It's easy to say too much in a cover letter. Maybe it's a line you've seen in lots of other cover letters and you assume it should be in yours. Or, you think you should be upfront about something that might be an issue in the hiring process. So, you write one or two sentences that really don't need to be in your letter.
Take a look at this IT professional's cover letter example. Then read my comments to see why I deleted three things to make it better.
Cover Letter Example for an IT Professional
Vlad is an IT professional who sent me this cover letter, asking for my thoughts about how it can be improved. I had only three. They're the three sentences I crossed out. (Read my comments below to see why I did that.)
I am writing to you regarding the developer position at X in Y. I have recently finished a Delphi developer internship at X in Falun, Sweden. One of my daily tasks was to develop software applications for the timber industry in Delphi using Data Abstract tools with SQL Server 2008.My previous work experience consisted of two years as a PL-SQL Developer/ Technical Support on Oracle Data Warehouse. My tasks, which were related to the McDonalds International Data Warehouse, included:
- Managing the data flow in Oracle databases (9i for production and 10g for test).
- Reviewing the quality of the Business Object 6.5 reports.
During my Master studies in Artificial Intelligence at Högskolan Dalarna in Sweden, I developed a “Discrete Event Simulation of a Sawmill Yard Using Multi-Agent System” as my master thesis. In order to optimize the Bergkvist-Insjön AB Sawmill factory from Dalarna, I analyzed it from the economic perspective and built the simulation in Java Agent Development Framework (JADE) connected with a MySQL database.
During my Bachelor thesis I worked with Visual Studio C# 2005 connected with MS SQL Server 2005 database. Also, during my Bachelor studies, I gained advanced knowledge in operational research, accounting and statistics.
I have practiced Ju-Jitsu (martial art) for several years, which I believe has improved my analytical way of thinking as well as my patience and power of concentration.
As strong motivation in my daily life, I should also add that I wear hearing aids. I am confident that my skills and qualifications makes me a suitable candidate for this position. I look forward to a positive feedback.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Why Delete Three Things from Vlad's Cover Letter Sample?
I like your cover letter sample very much. It's full of good stuff for your IT reader. I have just a few comments.
- Why bring this up in your cover letter? “As strong motivation in my daily life, I should also add that I wear hearing aids.” If it’s an issue (or asset), I think you could talk about it in an interview, not in your cover letter.
- I think this sentence is not needed. “I am confident that my skills and qualifications makes me a suitable candidate for this position.” It’s clear that you think you’re qualified — that’s the reason you’re applying for the job.
- I suggest you delete this because it’s also obvious. “I look forward to a positive feedback.”
I hope this helps!
Links to More Examples
Want to see more examples that relate to this article? Here you go...